Assumptions are inevitable. Whether making assumptions is right or wrong, it’s what people do with the information they find out about the matter that is important. One can make any assumption they want, but until they get educated, they really don’t know what is beyond the surface. There are a few assumptions about being a bisexual guy that is different compared to being a bisexual girl. Being a bi girl, people typically accept me and what I declare my sexuality to be. They do not tell me “oh you’re just straight” or “you’re actually just a lesbian.” This is a different assumption for bi guys. My good friend, Nick Bellison, a second-year student here at Long Beach and a bisexual man, opened up to me about how hard it is for him. He says “I personally really dislike when people assume my sexuality. People usually assume I am gay because of my hand gestures, my easiness to make friends and stay friends with girls, and my voice being high sometimes. It makes me feel like there is a bigger void in accepting myself.” The assumptions that are voiced about him would be hard for anyone to hear. It makes you feel self-conscious in everything you do. It is so hard to know who you are when everyone else is telling you before you get the chance to figure it out.
It is hard enough to push past the assumptions, but it is so much harder when people start to judge based on those assumptions. “People are so quick to judge me. People are so quick to judge others. The truth is we live in a deadly world of comparison and people are going to be judgmental. But, it is up to me to continue to work on myself and embrace who I am as a bisexual man.” People usually assume his sexuality without even getting to know him and hear it for themselves. Bellison says that he thinks he is treated differently than the bi girls he knows. So many people believe that there is no such thing as a bi guy, but the same people are so quick to fetishize and ‘go with it’ when a girl identifies as bisexual. They accept what they find attractive and disregard what they don’t. He mentioned that it is hard to fit in with straight men when one identifies as bisexual because they oftentimes assume he is actually gay.
It is hard enough to be yourself already, but when you are constantly being told “you’re just gay” to bi guys or when men say things like “oh can I watch” to bi girls, it gets confusing. People oftentimes assume they know more about your sexuality than you do because they do not believe you can be attracted to both guys and girls. Bellison is not the only bi guy who feels this way. We must start to educate ourselves rather than let quick assumptions guide our behaviors. This does not just include terms of sexuality or gender, but in general about people and situations. We never really know what’s going on and it is not up to us to decide who someone is before they even get the chance to.