By Fetty Briedan, "Activist"
In January, the Women’s March set off on our third annual protest against the patriarchy we live in. I, for one, couldn’t have been more thrilled to be part of the most empowering movement for women. My friends and I made signs painted with sparkly uteruses, got on the metro super early, (9 am!) and headed downtown to join the fray of nasty women from all over the place. The lighting was perfect for pictures, and I just got a new phone with portrait mode! How else can I show my friends that I’m an activist other than taking some glossy pics for the ‘gram?
There was something that I saw, however, that got my pussy hat in a twist. The number of ladies marching had gone down significantly. Not only that, but there were, like, a ton of groups protesting the march itself! Not just the weird “God Thinks You’re a Slut” people either, but real normal women who have the nerve to call themselves feminists. The arguments grew even more uncivil online, where these keyboard warriors were even accusing the organizers of the march of being anti-semitic? Such sensitivity is what will bring this amazing movement down if we don’t step up.
I really think that the people that are angry need to take a few steps back from their self-loathing and see what this movement is all about. Spoiler alert: It isn’t all about you. How can you be upset at a movement that promotes the beauty of universal sisterhood? Every day, I see women on the internet tearing each other down and it makes me sick. How are you really going to come for Kamala Harris and Lena Dunham after all the advancements they’ve made for ALL women? Literally, it’s shameful.
I get accused of being a “white feminist” consistently, and I think that’s pretty racist. I experience oppression just like you all do. I’ll let you know that my grandma was 1/16th Cherokee princess, so don’t think these issues fly over my head. Yeah, I get it. Life is “hard” because black women are being “shot by the police” and Mexican children are “being put in cages”, but you know what? Maybe feminism isn’t all about you, bitch! Maybe if you came over to this country the right way, you wouldn’t have these problems. Look, I get reverse racist comments all the time, but do you see me crying about it? Maybe when you realize that at the end of the day we’re all humans, you all would seem a lot happier. No wonder men tell us to smile more.
Like, for fucks sake, are Jewish women really being serious right now? What do jewish women have to complain about? You’re mad because a Women’s March organizer didn’t denounce a group that actively prays for the death of your kind? Are you really gonna let those measly words hurt you? If you’re that upset about it, start your own march. It’ll probably be fine since you control all the banks anyway. And disabled women are upset because they feel left out? Of course we left you out, Karen, you can’t even walk!
I’m tired of other people’s irrelevant problems getting in the way of real women issues™, but I don’t think that we’re beyond reproach. Think about what we could do if we all put our petty difference, like wanting racial and marriage equality, aside and supported each other? This is exactly why Susan B. Anthony kicked all those whiny black women out of the suffrage movement. Their constant groveling for inclusion was holding her back! If we want to be the best feminists we need to be, it’s time for all women, no matter their race, religion, or economic background, to put their personal issues aside for the good of team girl power. All team players are welcome, even the lesbians… as long as they don’t hit on me. Gross!