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Morbius Movie Sweeps The Nation

By Andres Leon

BREAKING - The Sony Marvel film “Morbius,” breaks box office records on opening night, topping “Avatar” and blowing “Avengers: Endgame” out of the water, making a Morbillion dollars. The movie is about the journey of a Marvel Legend, Morbius, a sick man who has been infected with the curse of being a vampire. He has to feed on people's blood to live and balance the life of being a doctor, or something. Breaking the hippocratic oath is the least of his worries in this thrilling adventure.

Critics around the world have donned the title of “Best Superhero Movie” on “Morbius.” One critic even said, “It has everything we could have ever wanted. My father was a huge Morbius fan when he debuted 1971 in the The Amazing Spider-Man #101 comic. He has severe dementia, but when we were in theaters, he was as sharp as a needle for the entire run time, chanting alongside the character when he said his classic like, ‘It’s Morbin’ Time!’ It was an intense experience that sent chills down my spine, seeing my father back in his prime. Thank you Sony.”

The script for Morbius was handcrafted in the crypt of the Vatican, taking direct inspiration from the hidden tomes that lie there. Nearly every great script writer had a hand in making the masterpiece, definitely the guy who made “Pulp Fiction” or something helped. Also the Godfather movies and “Scarface.” Oh and the guy who made the live action adaptation of Clifford the Big Red Dog, especially that guy, he had the biggest hands actually. His hands were the biggest. That’s how the pope dictated how they would write the script, based on hand size.

The cinematography was great. All the angles were perfect. Perfect shots, great shots even. The cameras were really nice. They used Black Magic cameras for every shot. Just 1 Black Magic camera per scene, they bought new ones every time they had to shoot a take, they had to spend a tenth of a Morbillion dollars on the camera budget alone.

The casting was also perfect, Jared Leto killed the role. Also he doesn’t have a sex cult where he takes young women there. That’s not real. He plays Morbius and he’s great at it.

What else happened? I don’t know, I didn’t really watch the movie honestly. The greatness put me to sleep. I can recite the entire movie by memory though because I play it every time I’m asleep. It’s like a pacifier to me, but instead of sucking on a rubber thing, I’m sucking on the success of Morbius.